Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
