How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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