She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
