THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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