I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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