you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
