I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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