I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize