you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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