I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
