She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
