My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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