That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
