he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
it hurts more in the daytime
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you will always have a special place in my vag
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
