i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
