alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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