Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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