You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
