I wish my penis had an off switch
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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