I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
