Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
