pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
