if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize