I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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