Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Randomize
