I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
