Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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