I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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