I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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