I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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