His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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