So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
