oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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