That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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