Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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