And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
