I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
