I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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