"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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