I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Randomize
