just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
