my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I am midnight drunk by noon
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
