So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
