so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
