he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
