I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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