Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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