I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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