I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
