If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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