I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
