Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Randomize
