I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
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