He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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